I accidentally burped into my bong.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
