I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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