kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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