I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
