Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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