Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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