I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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