there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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