No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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