Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
