Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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