Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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