So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
