she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
