I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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