im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She even gives head with a lisp.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
