So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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