i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Barsexuality is the new black.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
