conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
