I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
