Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
