NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
