i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
