it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
