Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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