You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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