I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
