omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
