i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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