So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
