Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
