Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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