im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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