Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
