He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
