well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
