so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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