i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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