I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
soo... how was my night?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
