And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
