I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
