apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
