i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
