Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
