She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
