Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
