Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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