I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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