you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
