I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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