You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
