All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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