I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
