he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
