I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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