The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
