Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
